Tag Archives: self-doubt

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Getting Out There

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I write to you today from this wooden plank about getting “out there”.

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The tide is out, and I feel caught between two worlds; the noise of traffic behind me and the tranquility of the ocean before me.

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I think about my visit to the hairdressers yesterday. While waiting, I’d picked up a magazine. Actress Rebecca Gibney was on the front cover. I’ve always admired her. What I didn’t know about, was her longstanding issues with self-doubt.

In the article she admitted that she doesn’t hide the fact that her hair and makeup are fake. Otherwise, she’s real, and loves her female friends as they’ve have helped her face her self-doubts.

It got me thinking about my upcoming author talk at my local library, and how the time has come to put myself “out there”. I’ve reached an important level in my publishing career… give it my all or get a job. And when a dear friend from my school days recently said to me, “You’ll have to put your high heels on and get yourself an $80,000 per year secretary job,” I almost choked on my Earl Grey tea!

As I sit here admiring the view, I marvel at how real the world is without my sunglasses. I broke them a week ago, sat on them as I stepped into my car. I’d never done this before. It was yet another nudge to get over myself, and get on with it.

It was an unveiling of sorts, to see the world as it really is.

I remember my first pair of sunnies. They were super trendy at the time… a white based frame speckled with bright colours — the designer, Jonathon Skeats. I wore them for many years. I think I replaced them simply to keep up with the fashion trends. Ray Bans came next, and I wore them until they wore out. These were then replaced with a cheap pair of black frames, with a touch of silver on the arms. While my sons laughed at these, I didn’t care, they did the job. Until I sat on them!

I’ve always had sensitive eyes and intuitively felt it was important to protect them. Though, I acknowledge now that for many years I wore them as a form of hiding. So, how long could I last without my sunnies, I wondered.

It’s been one week, and I’ve noticed a thing or two.

When I’m not looking through Polariod lenses the scene before me is real, the colours are not fake and unrealistic.

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I’m not hiding. People who pass me in the street when I’m on my walks stop to say hello, instead of rushing by, as though my eyes had sent them a greeting card. Young children especially, connect in honest and endearing ways… a girl sang while moving around me in a circle, not taking her eyes off mine. And a boy looked up to meet my gaze and said, ‘Hi and bye!’

It wasn’t until after these beautiful moments had passed than I questioned whether I had paid close enough attention. My eyes, though, were no longer shielded from the bright sunlight or people. I was and am being real.

This is not to say I won’t seek my next pair of sunglasses. Though, I’ll appreciate using them only when truly needed.

What about you… do you love your sunnies? Have you faced issues of self-doubt? Thank you for reading. I’d love for you to share your comments below. If you’d like to attend one of my author talks, you can find the info here.

Write to Heal and make your mark!

Blessings,

Leanda Michelle ♥


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Winter-Sunset

Fulfilment

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Winter-SunsetMany years ago psychic Scott Russell Hill said I needed to find that which fulfilled me and then nurture it. I have often pondered the word ‘fulfilment’ and what it means to me. Now I feel I have come to understand the word in more depth.

Is fulfilment important to you?

If so, what does fulfilment mean?

Dictionaries term it as an achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.

Fulfilment can be seen and felt in many areas of our lives, yet often its the milestone or the dream that’s focused upon and not the steps on the journey that sees the goal become a reality.

I have always found fulfilment in the planning and preparing of events or workshops I am passionate about, and then seeing them come to fruition—often better than I’d imagined.

While fulfilment doesn’t always reside in the doing, it can be found in being ~ tweet this!

There were many moments last weekend at the Write to Heal Retreat where I tuned in to the moment to simply be—to be present, to listen, to breathe in a space between the words of conversation, and in the silence. It was the fulfilment of these moments that struck me as being profound… in the laughter, in the heartfelt tears shared, in the joy of another’s smile, and in the written and spoken words expressed.

The freedom to share personal stories with women, just like me, in a comfortable and safe space was a gift I’d call fulfilment.

Each time I have created something new I have had the opportunity to feel the fulfilment before its been shared, through my sheer determination to be fully organised along with my will to succeed. However, these past months have seen me change this course of action as I’ve been asked to trust more, to show up without knowing all the details and without having the complete plan. I’ve been asked to listen and follow a higher source of guidance.

This has been scary as I’ve had to face the fear of failure as well as self-doubt; the anxiety at times has been overwhelming.

What I have discovered though is while there is an element of fulfilment to be found in the planning, there is more to be found in the beauty that unfolds as I follow the higher source of guidance. This makes it more special than I could have dreamed possible. When I let go of the control and my need to know all the details before they happen, I allow the magic of synchronicity, serendipity and wonder to enter. Had I been too organised I would’ve missed the opportunity for more pieces to complete the divine plan.

When bliss enters the fulfilment the feelings of awe and wonder traverse deeper ~ tweet this!

Here’s a snippet of our wonder-filled weekend.

(My sincere gratitude to Druimé for capturing many of the photos in this video)

Life is full of fulfilment when we let go and be ~ tweet this!

Amongst many things, journalling provides me with fulfilment. Even watching a movie can leave me feeling fulfilled if raises questions within me. The fulfilment is the impact it has on my emotional and mental state of wellbeing.

Fulfilment = experience (emotional response + mental processing)

What fulfils you?

Write to Heal and make your mark!

Blessings,

Leanda Michelle ♥